chatter.chaboud.com

9/30/2003

Doctor Spock for the 21st century…

Filed under: — site admin @ 3:03 pm

When Dakeysha Lee, of Jacksonville, Florida began serving a jail term on September 10th, she neglected to mention the two-year-old daughter that she had left at home. The girl survived for three weeks on mustard, ketchup, rice, and raw pasta before being found watching television.

No attention at all may be better than the type lavished by Robert and Teresa Milbrandt upon their seven-year-old daughter in a long-lasting effort to defraud the members of their community into supporting their daughter’s struggle with cancer. The Milbrandts forced their daughter to wear a protective mask, partake in death counselling, ingest sleeping pills, and shave her head to simulate chemotherapy for her leukaemia.

Not all children are forced into service or neglected by their parents. Witness a boy in Sotra, Norway who has become a “good driver.” Reportedly, the 27-year-old responsible for driving the boy to school does not have a license and decided that it would be better if the nine-year-old boy operated the vehicle in his stead.

9/25/2003

Giving back the greatest gift you have…

Filed under: — site admin @ 12:12 pm

Alfonse Mumbo, of Kajulu Wath Orego, Kenya was so upset with the thought of his wife cheating on him that he cut off his own genitals with a kitchen knife. Honestly, there really isn’t much more to say…

Bearing only a slightly more reasonable excuse, a student in Halle, Germany, while under the influence of the hallucinogen, Angels’ Trumpet, cut off both his penis and tongue with garden shears. OW! Doctors were unable to re-attach either appendage. It seems that the most sound advice, given the situation, is to continue to take massive amounts of several drugs simultaneously.

Neither of the aforementioned geldings had the good fortune of being within range of Pyotr Shcheplev’s Muzhskaya Skoraya Pomoshch, a center at Moscow’s hospital Number 50 made famous by its reconstruction and re-attachment of a penis that had been circular-sawed into six disjoint pieces.

9/19/2003

For those who say that the South should have been cut free in the 1860’s…

Filed under: — site admin @ 10:18 am

Latoris Shepherd, Cedric Redus, and Michael Travis carried Joel Puz from his tipped and burning tanker truck only seconds before the truck, carrying 13,400 gallons of petrol, exploded on Interstate 75, south-west of Detroit. The three men had been travelling the other direction on the freeway when they saw Puz’ truck tip, and they immediately stepped into action.

Quite unlike Shepherd, Redus, and Travis, citizens of Mississipi County, Arkansas, are not to be troubled with any activity, large or small. Carl Miner of Blytheville, Arkansas ran uncontested for a school board seat in Mississippi County and lost, as no one in the entire district voted, not even Miner…

9/18/2003

Modern medicine-0, Darwin-3…

Filed under: — site admin @ 2:20 pm

When Clarice Burgin of Ripley, Derbishire, England fell ill, her family first called for an ambulance and then notified her son, Stephen, who was vacationing in Spain. Stephen returned to England by plane and managed to arrive at Derby City General Hospital before his mother, who waited a staggering eight hours for an ambulance to arrive. This event will lead to more paperwork which will inevitably serve as a prop on a children’s television show, as confidential medical records in Regina, Canada did after inexplicably making their way out of locked storage.

However troublesome the mechanisms of medicine may be, the alternatives, often Californian religion, are far worse. Richard and Agnus Wiebe, of Rancho Cucamonga, California, were sentenced to a year of weekends in jail for letting their eleven-month-old daughter die of treatable bacterial meningitis, as the Church of God in Upland called for prayer, rather than antibiotics. At the risk of editorializing, this couple is guilty, and should be dealth with in a harsh and brutal fashion.

9/13/2003

They must have seemed like good ideas at the time…

Filed under: — site admin @ 12:25 pm

Khim Sakhorn, of Phnom Penh, Cambodia met with the consequences of a minor error in execution as he drove away from the house of a drug-dealer whom he had just robbed. The live grenade that he had used to threaten the dealer exploded, as Sakhorn had forgotten to replace the pin before putting the grenade in his pocket.

Sakhorn’s embarrassment was probably mitigated by fatality, a feeling apparently sought by a man in Tokyo, Japan who, after being apprehended by Japan Railway employees planning to question him with regards to his groping of female passengers, was fatally struck by a train while attempting to flee.

What may have seemed like a reasonable practical joke to an Ankara, Turkey man turned disasterous, as he, in reply to a request from a friend to clean off the friend’s back with compressed air, pushed the air outlet against his friend’s anus, rupturing the friend’s intestines.

Svetin Gulisija of Seget, Croatia set fire to the woods behind his house with the hope of igniting his home in order to avoid having sex with his wife. Though a less damaging excuse would have been warranted in such a situation, Gulisija faces two years in prison, where his excuses with regards to others’ sexual advances will likely prove to be wholeheartedly ineffective.

Police in Bogota, Columbia uncovered a demonstration of distorted holiday spirit when they discovered what appears to be a recording of a National Liberation Army Christmas party. The tape features several rebel soldiers in a beauty pageant, wearing only bikini bottoms. Columbian authorities dutifully released the recording to Columbian television stations.

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