Filed under: — site admin @ 1:30 am

The long delay between entries stems from a lack of readership, the holidays, and Steve’s shameless pimping of globulos. It can be addicting.


Playing make-believe…

Filed under: — site admin @ 9:30 am

Duran Duran fans may be happy to know that they lost look-alike contests in the past due to unethical tampering by band members who entered contests dressed as themselves. One must ask:
If a man pretends to be someone pretending to be him, ruining an ill-founded tribute to him for his own personal amusement, is that more or less pathetic than having actually had a mullet in the first place?

Somewhat more pathetic, James Winton, who put upon his Dodge Neon a small flashing light in his attempt to impersonate a traffic officer, has been sentenced to six months in jail after pulling over an off-duty officer for speeding.

Winton may have met with more success had he actually had a badge, several of which may have ended up in the tally of a two hour shopping spree, totalling more than 160 million dollars, at the hands of three German teenagers who, out of boredom, decided to use a hacked auction-house account to buy “only the most expensive things.”

Sentences for criminals must be increasing, as the penalties for merely being suspected of committing a crime are fierce. This was shown through the suffering of Carst Kijlstra, of Denmark, who was jailed and fined for refusing to carry a shopping basket at a grocery store while running in to pick up veal just before closing. Were this in the United States, the urge to organize a flash-shopping crowd of hundreds of basketless veal-seekers would be too much to bear.


Reis South, Reis labs…

Filed under: — site admin @ 1:02 pm

Apparently, substantial evidence showing that Pillip Reis invented the telephone nearly fifteen years before Alexander Graham Bell has surfaced.

That ingenuity has become so integral to our society as to show no bounds to its practicality, demonstrated by Sean Leach who, after being pulled over for driving with an expired registration, registered his vehicle with his cell phone (via a friend) before the officer had finished writing the ticket.


In essence, leftovers…

Filed under: — site admin @ 6:42 pm

Very few times in history have doctors discovered human chimeras, as they did in the case of a woman who was found to not be the genetic mother of her naturally conceived children in blood tests.

Other shining examples of the miracles of survival can be seen in children playing “the blackout game,” a frenzy of oxygen-deprived brinkmanship directed at entertaining the participants with the same brand of neuron-crushing hallucinations one would receive while under the influence of any of a number of illegal consumables (read: huffing for kids who can’t even afford paint), KKK members whose initiation festivities include firing weapons vertically without a thorough understanding of the real-world implications of gravitational attraction, leaving one participant critically wounded after being shot in the head, or Robert Keys of Homer, Alaska, who, in a city council meeting regarding a proposed ban on smoking, testified that “It (smoking) hasn’t bothered my health any… So I think all this baloney about it affecting people’s health is just that. Baloney,” moments before falling victim to a fatal coronary heart attack.

A backlog of stupidity, humor, turkey…

Filed under: — site admin @ 11:02 am

In an occurance that, when truly considered, is too stupid to be shocking, bar patrons in Reston, Virginia, are being arrested for being intoxicated. It seems like it will only be a matter of time before officers in Virginia arrest motorists for “driving.” Virginia could take a lesson from Kentucky and enforce mandatory annual bathing.

Not all police efforts are misguided. In a move worthy of a made-for-television Disney movie, police officers in Paris, France, have formed a 50-member-strong elite crime fighting force composed entirely of officers on rollerblades under the guidance of former short-track speed skating champion, Marc Bella.

Powered by WordPress